Notes of the Under-Enlightened [poetry] Read online

  And in your lifes it’ll be Post Scriptus.

  Phoenix

  It is the dream of my origin,

  For in the dreams I am still virgin,

  And still I’m fighting with my sleep,

  But hesitate - that’s why I weep.

  My worthless dreams I must deny,

  But still afraid to make the try,

  For who am I now to decide

  What dream is wrong, what dream is right ?

  My purest dream is that of bird -

  It is the symbol of the world

  Which always change and born anew,

  This bird I am, like it I flew.

  For like a phoenix I reborn …

  My wings may melt, my wings may worn,

  But I’m constantly born anew,

  I’m many-faced in others view.

  I am restored in the fire,

  The fire’s cold, that fire’s dire,

  It forges one’s wings to make him flyer …

  It is a grand sight to admire.

  From former ego it deprives,

  And, as its victim slowly dies,

  His flesh begins to grow anew …

  And still survivors are so few.

  I’m passing through this coldest hell,

  My burning skin is all I smell,

  My former past will once unfold …

  It is a strange sight to behold.

  For I am one without name,

  I’ve lost my past, rejected fame,

  The Earth will never be my home …

  I will be free the time I’m gone.

  All other worlds awaiting me …

  I will awake, I shall break free,

  Inside myself I’m searching deeper -

  Such is the fate of the Unsleeper.

  No one can help me on my path,

  I’m always self, I’m never “us”,

  Through divine hell I’m passing by

  To forge the wings for final flight.

  The time will come, I will reborn,

  My former skin myself I’ll torn,

  Reborn anew, becoming flyer -

  It’s all the wish, it’s one’s desire.

  Rave of the naive

  What of me? I’m good, you see,

  I am the one, who just broke free,

  I am those one, who wants to change

  Imperfect world within my range.

  You people are the strangest guys -

  And yet this humankind survives.

  I wonder - will it last for long?

  Of those my thoughts I’ll sing a song.

  I want to see you all the better,

  Say, more slim and less fatter…

  You hear me ? Healthy life rules !

  Oh, you do not? Then you are fools !

  Stop wasting time and start to work -

  And your achievements will just rock !

  You hear that? I know of this !

  And hold your anger, hold it, miss !

  Forget your sorrows and be happy…

  Or do you need a soul-nappy?

  It is a pleasure to just live -

  So start to smile and to thrive !

  Reject your anger, calm your mind

  And leave those selfish thoughts behind !

  I am your brother and your sister…

  And stop looking like that, you, mister !

  Move close to nature, leave the city

  And thus rejoice at true world’s beauty !

  We are the nature beings, men,

  And must accept her, now and then !

  Make friends and peace in all the world -

  That’s our future, I’ve been told.

  So now make peace, forget wars, please,

  Hold on your fire, cease it, cease !

  Reject yourself to find new one,

  To see you as a divine son,

  Stop webbing those words on the shelf -

  “To know the world is to know yourself” !

  You hear me? I know of that !

  To help you see the truth I’m glad !

  Hey, you, stop throwing this at me,

  I’m not a jester, don’t you see ?!

  There is a way out of this maze -

  Your mindless life you need to raze !

  That’s how for now I end my phrase …

  No more, I can’t hold your gaze !

  You’ll ask for future of this one,

  If he became that “divine son”?

  Oh, he soon died in foreign lands -

  And that is how this story ends.

  Side effect

  I’ve come to this for now at last -

  All past no more than a dust

  With dead ideals full of rust

  Now blown away with fresh wind’s gust.

  I am much older that I seem,

  No more than a chip in stream,

  I am no body and no mind …

  The day they die - I’ll live behind.

  I am the many, and still one,

  All these “me”s look just so fun,

  And day by day they passing by …

  It is all me - and still not I.

  I have no wings - thus cannot fly,

  There are no means to make a try,

  And still I say - the heavens’ mine,

  In own dreams I soar just fine.

  But what I do - I do for me,

  It is myself whom I make free,

  It’s only I who sees the change

  And all the rest may find it strange.

  And in the way to consciousness skies

  I have been given one small prize

  Which is a key to final cage -

  This given word will free the sage.

  It is a weapon, this word’s blade,

  From ore of stars it has been made,

  And though this gift may not be perfect -

  It is a wonderful side effect…

  Song of a monk

  I am just a silent monk

  And have no a silver tongue,

  Though I’ll try to sing a song

  Of how deeply I have sunk.

  Will I ever find the words

  To describe my feelings hordes?

  Will thy known how long I’ve prayed

  To restore the faith betrayed?

  But I’m willing to describe

  How the bonds of love are tight,

  Though it is like a bitter wine…

  All in all, the song is mine.

  It was month ago, no less,

  I was making strong progress

  On the way to saturation

  Of the soul in starvation.

  Praying hard in starless nights,

  Hardening my spirit sights,

  Strengthening my own rights

  In the defect’s endless fights.

  Those were days of saturation

  Of the soul in starvation …

  But so little has been done

  To become enlighted one.

  And one day all this has crashed,

  Own faith myself I’ve smashed,

  Brought to kneels of own soul,

  Failed to achieve my goal.

  Woman entered my hut -

  All in all, she was not heard,

  Almost naked, head to torso,

  Crying and afraid was also.

  When she noticed me at home

  All her fears have just gone,

  And she moved to me at once

  With her flashing, stunning glance.

  Asking me to help her hide,

  Doing once the thing that’s right…

  Stunned, shocked I have stayed

  And my faith I have betrayed.

  Asked me if she could sit

  And my candle she has lit,

  Then she told me how she ran

  Through the forest by the sun.

  Hoping to escape the life

  That have cut her like a knife,

  Telling me of former lover


  And her prison in the tower.

  She was married for a knight -

  Cruel one, whose bonds were tight,

  Who have tossed her by night

  On the bed to start his .. fight.

  Who has no the need for feeling,

  Who loved not and hurt her being,

  Who was madman of some sort…

  Crying she was as she told.

  And to help her come to life

  In the sin I had to dive -

  I embraced her that one day,

  Even I saw not the way…

  And she stayed within my home

  To heal wounds and reborn,

  To protect her I have sworn

  Till I’m dead … or she is gone.

  She was one of great beauty,

  She was very, very … sweaty.

  We have spent a lot of days

  Walking in the sunny rays.

  Thus she entered my heart,

  I was to refuse her, but…

  Was it heart, or was it gut

  That have broken me apart?

  We have used to known each other,

  Feeling same to say it rather,

  These were the days of sun -

  We both stopped from the run.

  Should I tell you what came next?

  Will you ever read that text?

  You may not, and I don’t care -

  Truly love is just so rare …

  I have failed to become

  Lightened one in days to come,

  I have failed to achieve

  Goals of mine…but feel no grief.

  To the hell with sins and gain,

  To the hell, I feel no pain !

  To the hell with soul bows,

  To the hell with all the vows !

  All I feel now is the love…

  It was truly way that’s tough,

  I don’t know what will come next,

  Though I’ve finished my text.

  Speak with me

  Speak with me when it is time -

  I will tell you what is prime,

  I will tell you what is right,

  I shall purify your sight.

  Speak with me when no one listens

  Though your courage truly glistens,

  Speak with me when no one hears -

  I will be eternal ears,

  I will be eternal eyes -

  Those of universal size,

  I may open many doors

  And to show you where each goes,

  I may help you find the way

  Where you’ll never be the prey,

  Where you won’t be rubbish shelf …

  Where you will become yourself.

  Where your deeds are all the right,

  Where your conscience feels alright,

  Where your never know the fear,

  Where inspiration is so near…

  But speak with me, speak at long last,

  And please, get rid of this disgust

  And never fear what they think,

  I am your only and last link,

  I am your only and last chance,

  I am what’s being called “six sense”,

  I am the vision in the light,

  I am a sunray in the night.

  So speak with me with me when times are hard

  For I am your eternal guard

  Who’s granted vision to decide

  What’s good and bad, what’s light and night.

  So speak ! I’ll tell you of your life

  Whether you should emerge or dive,

  But if your thoughts and deeds were foul

  Then I will speak myself - your soul…

  Success

  What does one strife for, if not success ?

  Constantly pressured, each day in stress ?

  What do I care ? Listen or not -

  Poem’s successful, still being hot.

  For politician it’s measured in voices,

  And for musician it’s all in the noises.

  For the reporter - it’s in sensations,

  And for astronomer - in observations.

  As for the priest - it’s measured in souls,

  And for each medic it’s counted in bowels.

  For common mystic it’s in divinations.

  What of the killer ? In annihilations.

  For simple writer it’s in the novels,

  For complex digger it’s in the shovels.

  For undertaker this one’s in corpse,

  For the oculist this one’s in orbs.

  It’s in new places for endless strollers

  And for all merchants all in the dollars.

  And for the army it’s in the wars …

  Now do you see where successful one goes ?

  And for the planet it’s in the us.

  Want be successful ? See where this goes ?

  Or will prefer not to race for success,

  Driving as madman, always in stress ?

  Spirit success now is being so rare …

  Poem’s successful … what do I care ?

  The Dream

  We all are given rare gift -

  The time will pass, the planes will shift,

  But for as long as we have dreams

  To live through time we have the means.

  The dream may free, the dream may kill,

  The dream may heal and make one ill,

  The dream may bless, the dream may curse,

  It’s paradise - and the abyss.

  The dream is not the thing to share,

  And pure dreams are truly rare,

  So many dim, yet some as flare …

  But one will never lay them bare.

  The dream is like the guiding light,

  Yet its existence makes a plight,

  And when one dreams of other’s love

  His own feelings bent to muff.

  The dream is powerful somehow …

  I, too, once dreamed of pure love,

  But when it turned to be a bluffer -

  The time has come for one to suffer.

  There is no time for second thought,

  That dream is doomed to die and rot,

  Through withered lands I’m passing by …

  The dream is foe, not ally.

  For when one hide in endless dreams

  Theirs bitter nature feed his sins -

  When their poison flow through vein

  One only strengthen own pain.

  But once the pain is forsaken,

  And pieces of shattered dream are taken,

  I will create new one and sate …

  Is that is how the dream degrade ?

  Those ones who cannot dream of sky

  Will never have the will to fly,

  And they are bent to comfort’s sins

  For they know not such things as dreams.

  I will still keep my dream of other,

  If not for me - than for another.

  The heart

  When one is set in own path

  He will escape all crowd’s mass,

  And will be ready for the fight

  With own demons of the blight.

  He will prevail after all,

  But pay a costly, dire toll,

  That toll will be his former life …

  He shall destroy it in the strife.

  The flame of heart may break one’s night,

  The flame of heart destroys the blight,

  The flame of heart is endless fire,

  The flame of heart is your desire.

  My word is blade and song is shield,

  And I’m still fighting on the field

  In some eternal, endless war …

  That fight is fierce - but what for ?

  I cannot flee, I cannot run,

  My armor glistens under sun,

  And blood now feeds the earth below …

  I am, like others, one in row.

  My throat is dry, my thoughts all spin,

  And ho
pe to end the fight is thin,

  It won’t extinguish by itself -

  For I am fighting with myself.

  My mind is helmet for the head,

  My heart is armor in the red,

  And as the drops of blood now burn

  That heart is ready for its turn.

  My heart is afire, engulfed in flame,

  My heart is afire - and yet just the same,

  My heart is afire wherever I go,

  My heart is afire - and let it be so.

  The oath

  I was dreaming for this night,

  I was walking in the light,

  I was healed in my hope,

  Given strength to fight and cope.

  I was told then of my way -

  But of that I dare not say,

  I was told of choice and thus

  I have given my oath.

  To keep spirit and behold

  Ways of life I was then told,

  To find kindness in the world

  And to help it to uphold.

  My oath was small in size,

  Hard in deed and never wise :

  Hold the faith in the new race,

  Move aside from outer pace,

  Find the wisdom in the pain,

  Drop the thoughts of selfish gain,

  Search for light in endless dark,

  Keep the silence when all bark,

  Keep the faith when all is lost,

  Being modest like a ghost,

  Being endless like the life,

  Sharp in tongue just like Swiss knife,

  Warm in heart just like the sun,

  Young as child having fun,

  Wise as hundred years man …

  That was part of oath then.

  Live to fight my own sins,

  Through repentance finding means,

  Not for glory, not for gain -

  But to end some other’s pain,

  But to bring the light of hope

  And give strength to fight and cope.

  I can stop, I can say “nay”,

  I can move away from way,

  But as long as I keep faith

  I will never fall from grace.

  I have given it - and thus

  I must now fulfill oath.

  If I will - I cannot see …

  All in all, it’s up to me.

  The Purifier

  The webs of past are thick to hack,

  And maze of life is cold and dark,

  There are no torches on its walls …

  You wander by without goals.

  Ancestors’ bones all lie below …

  You’ll end like them, of this you know.

  What is the meaning of your road ?

  You are destined to die and rot.

  The slime on walls became your food -

  It is edible, but no good,

  The veil of darkness is your cloak,

  And heart resembles walls of rock.

  The pits on floor possess no threat -

  To fall in them you will be glad,

  And with this maze you’ve formed band …

  But you’re still standing where you stand.

  The walls of past are thick to hack,

  But you will have to make a brack